Never-Never Land

I have a place where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
It's not on any chart,
You must find it with your heart...
Never-Never Land.

It might be miles beyond the moon,
Or right there where you stand.
Just keep an open mind,
And then suddenly you'll find:
Never-Never Land.

You'll have a treasure if you stay there,
More precious far than gold.
For once you have found your way there,
You can never, never grow old.

And that's my home where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
Just think of lovely things.
And your heart will fly on wings,
Forever... in Never-Never Land.


here is the video clip of the song... if you don't know it. I think our Megan Bagley did a much better job, and if I could put up a clip of her singing it I would most definitely do that.


All of a sudden I just don't want to grow up. In fact, I wish I could go back... and freeze time. And let it stay that way, that perfect way forever.
But then I realize... If we all just stay in one place, we never learn... we never grow. We'd all be stuck in a giant rut all of the time.
You can't live with one foot in the past and one foot in the future... or else you'll shit all over the present.

Not a whole lot to report tonight...
Frank admitted to having a crush on me, to which I told him I don't want a relationship with anyone for a LONG time. But if I were looking for a relationship... ya know, maybe I would. He's a darling boy. The other night we stayed up talking on a bench that overlooks a good portion of campus until about 3 AM. It was a lot of fun. We got into a semi-religious talk. He belongs to the Baptist Church, and I told him I'd never been to a baptist meeting and I'd go with him sometime just for the experience. I figure I've been to alot of other religious meetings and nothing has shaken my faith so far. :) I even ended up explaining to him the whole Plan of Salvation... His father passed away his senior year of high school, and I asked him if he believed in life after death. He said that "It's gotta be. There's gotta be more." Then he asked what the Mormon standpoint was... and I briefly explained to him. I always worry when I tell people about it, but Frank was seriously the most open-minded person I've explained it to. He wears his father's ring... a gold ring with a black stone... with a gold cross. He was really close to his dad. He never takes off that ring unless he has to go onstage, and even then he only trusts his friend Christian to hold it. ...I could never imagine losing my mom. And yet, he's a very optimistic person with a very bright future and the motivation to do whatever he wants with his life. I admire that. A lot.

School, well, mreh.

So last night, I decided that I was going to my 10 o'clock class the next morning. Come hell or high water, I was going to be in that class. So I went to bed at ten thirty last night. The first time I'd been to bed before two A.M. since... well, since Miah broke my heart. I laid in bed for an hour and a half, willing myself to sleep. I was just one inch from being asleep when my darling, fantastic, favorite, lovely friend and roommate comes in, flips on the light, opens up her laptop, starts listening to Owl City music and cutting paper. WHAT THE HELL!?! So I sat up, put on my glasses and left the room without even looking at her. I decided to go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail with Koby and Grant. Good choice. We then piled onto Koby's scooter and went to a random tennis court and watched the stars. We attempted an all-nighter, but only lasted til about 6:30 AM. I then missed my 10 o'clock class. Go figure.
Oh, and she woke me up with her hair dryer this morning. She was two feet from my bed, using her hair dryer. Good Lord.

Shopping list:
- Hangers
- Earplugs
- A glass Mason Jar

Hangers, because I need some. Earplugs... to try and break my insomnia-tic habits. and the Mason Jar... For when I rip her ovaries out with a dinner fork.

Today Ashley tried to convince me to go to USU with her.
Ugggghhh.... Well, here are my feelings. I love Dixie. I love it. I love it I love it. It is the perfect climate, the people are fantastic, and i am just, simply happy as a clam right where I am. For now. I seriously wouldn't mind going back to USU for a semester, or maybe a year. Not for theatre though... their theatre program sucks. A lot. I just don't want to go anytime soon. I just left home! I don't want to go back yet!! So here's a layout of things I want to do...

Freshman year: Fall: Dixie. Spring: Dixie.
Sophomore year: Fall: Dixie. Spring: NYU, Disneyland or Dixie.
Junior Year: Fall: Disneyland, USU or Dixie. Spring: NYU, USU or Dixie.
Senior Year: Whatever I feel like doing. :)

There are so many options! The world is at my feet! And thankfully, I'm not pregnant and I'm not engaged or married or even in a relationship... I can do whatever the hell I want!! I'm free! Nothing can stop me. I'm on top of the world and I'm gonna shine! I've got my whole life ahead of me and I'm not screwing it up.

Okay so that was my rant...

Anything else on my mind? Well, these Frog and Toad rehearsals are kind of a bitch. I learned today that college directors don't care to censor their language when angry. Kind of amusing, but also really scary. I also realized that I want to do alot more technical theatre... it's fun to know that the magic that happens onstage happens because of you. It's like your own little secret. No one knows how you do it... it's all the magic and mystery of the stage. I love it. So much.

Working hard on getting the temple recommend. I need to clean up the language a bit more and study the scriptures... but I turned down an offer to go see an R-rated movie! Aren't you so proud of me? :)

And I still can't cut the string with Jeremiah. Yesterday I heard the song "You're My Best Friend" By Queen for the first time since the breakup. I had to turn it off. Today I found my locket with the picture of the two of us in it. I just can't let it go. ... Why can't I just let it go? Really. Why can't I just find the reset button, the "off" switch? I can't help but think that I'm screwed for the rest of my life. My mom was desperately in love with Matt Madsen when she lived at Raintree. He left on his mission and she promised she'd wait. She transferred to USU and met my dad, which I'm not complaining about because I resulted from that... but she regrets every day the fact that she didn't wait. He was the one that she let slip through her fingers. When she married my dad, she was about 23 years old. She's now 42. That's roughly twenty years. I don't know if I can keep my sanity for that long. I don't know if I can handle thinking about him every day for the next twenty years... but what other option do I have? I'm screwed, unless I can somehow forget.

Well, it's nearly 3:00 AM. Like I said, diehard insomniac here. Goodnight.