insomnia

It's 2:45 AM, and I'm still awake.
Remember the good ol' days when I had to get to bed by 12 AM or else the next day I wouldn't be able to function? Those were some great times. Then again, in those days I was waking up at 5:30 AM every morning to be to school on time for rehearsal.
I remember once I bought a bottle of store brand caffeine pills to keep me awake through second hour every morning. Once I figured out that little trick I started passing my math class.
Maybe I need to go live with Mom for a bit so she can whip my sleep schedule's butt back into shape.
Do you ever wish you had a built-in memory recorder? Like, a little button on your person that you could push to record your thoughts, and when you forget them (as I often do) you could just hit the Play button and it would play back to you in your mind. Brilliant. I should invent it, and market it. I'd make billions. Everyone would have one.
It might make the human race stupid, though. I mean, If we don't exercise our memories, then we lose them... right? Well that's what old people tell me, anyway.
Where was I going with this?
Oh, right. Skimboarding. I haven't yet told of my tales and adventures on the river. Kim has taken a liking to me recently. I adore her and I wish I could stick around longer to get to know her. Well she's hardcore, she does watersports and stuff I guess, and she's taken me out to the river twice to teach me how to skim(boogie)board. This past time, on Saturday, we met a group of maybe four or five boys in our spot on the river. They were all juniors in high school, with the exception of one senior. After a couple of brief minutes spent with this band of boys, I realized that I was really drawn to a certain junior. Playful banter, some flirting... then I finally realized what it was. The uncontrollable curly brown hair, the shocking blue eyes, his body shape, the stupid humor... It was a reincarnation of Miah.
Where did this boy come from? ... He was a vision of glory. I tried desperately to keep his attention, to somehow lure him in, to get him to bite. But I had to leave. Evie dropped her phone in the river and we had to go salvage it before call time. (It's a good thing we left when we did, or else we would have been late.)
Well in the end he told me that his name was Jordan. Jordan Tally. I've concluded that this was only a dream. I've attempted every form of Facebook stalking to try and hunt him down. I guess God has a sense of humor, and he just wanted to bait the hook, then pull it out of the water right in front of my face. Maybe, maybe this Jordan kid is too young for me, so God took him off of the radar until it's time. He was giving me just a taste, just a faint glimmer of hope for a happy future. He was giving me something to keep me from going off and getting engaged or something stupid like that. Or maybe God decided to give me a reminder, to tell me that I should have a little faith in Miah, that maybe he'll come around someday and I shouldn't let go of him completely. I mean, not necessarily that I'll get him back. Just that maybe someday everything will be okay.
I swear this boy was his Doppleganger. I almost died.



Well... other than that.... I kissed a 34-year-old man. ...ON STAGE, don't make that face at me. It was Ryan, the one who played John in Saigon. We got onstage for our dirty dancing scene, and he starts coming toward me as if he were going in for a kiss. I distinctly remember thinking, "what is he thinking? I have on red lipstick. I'll get it all over him." He came closer. I thought, "well, alright!" He went 90, so I went 10. Aaand, I kissed him. Right on the mouth. He jolted back and gave me an incredulous look, and laughed. And we continued dancing like whores.



I believe that is that.