Through the Looking Glass

Isn't he darling?

We had our first dress rehearsal- of sorts- last night. Meaning, I wore a bikini in front of a group of men. And danced like a whore. And almost cried. It was scary. But I loosened up eventually.

I decided that on opening night I'm going to lay a big fat kiss on Ryan while we have our dirty dancing scene. Bahahaha. This is going to be grand.
Did I mention that I accidentally tried non-alcoholic beer? Well apparently one night in rehearsal the bottle in Ryan's hand was actually full of it, instead of empty like normal. It's in my blocking to take a swig of his drink and put it on the bar... I just didn't expect it to actually have that in it. I almost puked.

My orchids are wilting and I don't know how to fix them. :(

Well today is Easter, slash conference Sunday. Ruben brought over donuts. What a darling, darling boy. If I liked boys I might consider liking him. He says he's fattening me up for Saigon- he likes some meat on his whores. Evie, Lauren, Ruben, Francini and kinda Ariel and I are all somewhat listening to conference.
It's weird- exactly a year ago right now I was on spring break from Skyview. I was left behind by my family while they all went to St. George for Easter. (go figure.) I had to stay home for rehearsals. (again, go figure.) I went to church with Grandma and Grandpa and I had a new Easter dress. Afterwards I went to the Bowen's house and they fed me and took care of me and we looked for Easter eggs on the back lawn... Miah and I sat on the trampoline and talked for hours. We went on a Sunday afternoon stroll through Hyde Park... The Bowens treated me like I was a part of their family, making jokes and small remarks about how Miah and I should get married... I remember my legs were hairy so I dry shaved them in the car on my way to Miah's, and my legs stung all day long. It's so weird when memories flood back. They come in huge crashing waves and take over my entire mind. Every little detail, his mom's necklace that day, the dress I wore, where we walked... His mom told me that she had never seen him so happy since he was a "twinkly little baby." She said that I was really good for him and that she wanted me around him.
Sometimes I wonder if I really am over him or not. I think what I concluded is that I'm over him, but not over the relationship. (PS- thanks to Ashley for helping me realize this for myself.)

Hm... what else? Well Just rehearsal... yesterday we rehearsed from 9 AM to 1 PM, then 5 PM to 11 PM. That's approximately 10 hours of rehearsing. Today is dedicated to sitting on my butt and getting some REST.
Oh- and yesterday Steven found my blog.... I guess I should have expected him to find it sooner or later. He seemed pretty upset by it. I merely stated, "You shouldn't go looking for things you know you won't want to see."
He texted me today and we were going to get together to do CIS 1200 homework, but I told him it probably wasn't such a good idea for him to see me. He asked why, and I said, because of yesterday. He said, "Look, I've got no chance. I'm leaving in one month and I'll never see you again. We have a class in common so if we can just get that out of the way I'll be out of your hair for good. I did some really stupid things and now that I see how they truly affected you, they hurt even more. The things you said about missing me like sunshine were true at the time and how you still had loved me but still loved Jeremiah. I'm sorry about the necklace and the Kelley thing and I wish there was a way that I could undo it all. But I can't. It's too late and now I'm never going to be a part of your life after I move. So I figure I can help you out with homework and still treat you the same as I have for the past two months and continue to be there for you like I should have in October. We'll finish out the month and you'll never have to deal with me again."
Me: "You make yourself sound like you're such a burden to me."
Him: "Aren't I? I'm the ex that still can't let go. Every day I say something that upsets you because I don't know how to hold my tongue."

So that's that... His latest plight is to go into the Air Force, and apparently he's leaving soon. Mom made an interesting connection: "Air Force? He wants to fly jets like Tom Cruise in TOP GUN?" Steven seems to have this thing with taking after Tom Cruise movies... Top Gun, The Last Samurai... What's next- The Minority Report or Mission Impossible?

Lauren made up a song for Joseph Ahern. To the tune of "In The Ayer" by Flo Rida:
"Oh hot damn. What a strange man. (man!) a night with him can be awkward and bland. If you saw Macbeth then you would understand joseph ahern! a-ahern! ahern! a-ahern!"

Anyway... It's weird to look back and see where you were a year ago right now. Last April consisted of the Drama Presidency elections, A HUGE AMAZING RAINSTORM, making my first attempt at dying my hair back blonde after Peter Pan and The Three Act Plays, Playing with Ashley all the time, patching up a friendship with Katelyn Koger... It's just crazy look back and see....