So Urinated

Fuck. It. All.
Yep.
All of it.
Pardon my French.
But really? I mean really. Give a girl a break.

First of all, I've got my darling best friend Ashley at my side here. And I love her. And I'm so glad she's here. She really calms me down. I didn't realize just how emotional tonight would be, and she's really helped me keep my anger and frustrations at a dull roar.

I left my phone charger in St. George. That is so like me, but it's not any less aggravating this time than the last. So we took it to the t-mobile booth at the mall and I batted my big brown eyes at the man working there, and said "pretty please? :)" and he plugged it in for me. That woke up the phone and gave it enough life to last til 2:00 AM. Not bad, I suppose. It was just an annoyance, nothing too catastrophic nor was it the end of the world.

It was so good to drive around the streets of my home town. To see the places in which so many memories have been created. It's amazing what seeing familiar things does to you. Things you would never remember or even dream about thinking of come back into the foreground... memories from every walk of life. It amazed me what I could remember today.

Having Charlie back was FANTASTIC. Charlie is my darling 1993 red Jeep Cherokee Laredo... who was my best friend Junior and Senior year. We had a reunion. I almost cried. Too bad he may just have to stay home tomorrow when I return to the warm weather... unless of course I can somehow manage to convince my dad to give him to me as an early Christmas present! (Thank you Ashley, for the brilliant and executable plan.)

We then proceeded to Sky View. We both almost cried when we saw it. I never thought I could miss a place so badly. Sky View was my safe haven; The place I ran to to escape from the abuse of my step-dad, my screaming siblings and work. I love that school and I always will. I was immediately smooshed into an Alexa Sandwich by Joe and Kayden. Oh, how I miss my drama boys and their hugs. I saw many familiar faces and I got a lot of love from everyone I've been missing.

The show opened with the most terrible sight I've ever seen. The boy that I still to this day consider the love of my life, the one I let get away, and the girl that he chased his entire Junior and, well now that we're apart, Senior year of high school. They both looked brilliant. She, looking and sounding gorgeous as ever, and him. Him with his half-smirk smile and his curly brown hair that I used to play with every day. Him with those shocking blue eyes that stop my heart. They sang together, just like he'd always dreamed. Well... I guess he's happy. All I can do is be happy for him.

All in all, the show was fabulously unorthodox. Last year's show was Disney themed, and the year before was mostly classic Broadway showtunes.
This year, however, featured songs by Journey, Michael Jackson, Regina Spektor, Miley Cyrus (I know, I know), and songs from the musical Guys and Dolls as well as South Pacific. Miah's song absolutely killed me.

"Can't Take My Eyes Off of You"

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..

And the thing that killed me? He's said half of those things in that song, not necessarily in that language, per-se, to me at one point or another during the course of our short-lived relationship.

Whatever.

At one point I had to look away because I just couldn't take it. And when he spoke instead of sang the words "I love you, baby," I caught myself saying it right back to him. Out loud. I'm a pathetic mess.

After the show I had some pretty fantastic reunions with old friends. Hugs galore. I was once told by someone important that you need six hugs a day to stay healthy. And I believe it. Aaaand I think I hit this month's quota. Miah gave Ashley a fairly long hug, and then he got to me and quietly gave me a hug- not his awkward "I'm just being nice" half-hug, but a real hug. The kind I miss. It felt too good to be back in his arms. Everything flooded back. All of the memories, all of the empty promises, every kiss, every shared secret. Everything he just threw away on a whim. It was too short, that hug, and he said nothing at all to me. Not what I had envisioned, but then again, not what my pessimistic personality had imagined either.

Then, OF COURSE, I was told that Miah was throwing a movie party at his place which about two-thirds of the cast decided to attend. I know I'm not welcome at his house, so i decided that crashing it would be a bad idea. Ashley and I went to VI and visited with the friends that were there. Miah's dad and older brother (whom I'd never met because of the military) were having dinner there together. Brother Bowen introduced me to him as a "close family friend."

Ashley and I then got cookie dough and took Joe home. I didn't expect to see Samantha Bowen still working at Lee's Marketplace when we went to get our treat. I miss her, and I miss her whole family. It was almost like a sign that I saw all but three members of his family this evening. It's too bad that her brother is a douche.

Steven is just being plain bitchy. I guess we've broken up. But then again, we are still in love. But he can't handle loving me and not having me. Which i get... but i'm just really annoyed by it.

I love being home, and today I almost considered coming back and going to USU. But... I love the warm weather and I love the distance between me and my cute family. That's that.

After fighting with Steven on the phone, I looked out of my car window and just so happened to see a shooting star. It was almost as if it were waiting for me to look before it streaked across the night sky. I'll let you guess what I wished for... because if I tell you, it will definitely not come true.