Letters to God

Okay. I know it's a little unorthodox, but have you ever wondered just how much easier it'd be to say your prayers if every prayer were a letter or an email? Or even a text message. How easy would that be? Just shoot off a message that says "hey. I'm thinking about my friend today. She's having a hard time. Could you help her out please?" Or, "Thanks for putting me with my family. They're the best."
Well the reason I bring this up, well, it's a little off-subject and kind of round-about, but I'm frustrated with myself. For some reason, no matter how hard I try or how little I let myself care, I can't seem to loosen up and be myself around Alex. Well okay. I kinda can. But it's times like last night when he comes over and my roommate Lauren can make him pee his pants laughing while I just kinda sit there and laugh along... I want to be able to make him laugh like that. And I'm 100 percent positive that I am very capable of doing it, but I just can't crack open my shell. He mesmerizes me. I just, ah. Last night I kissed him goodnight and sent him home at about 1:30 AM. I shut the door, locked it, leaned my back against it, looked up and said, "Please, God. Grant me some wit, or maybe a little humor." Well I found that kinda funny, and it got me thinking. Praying is so easy. All it really requires is some brain activity... So why the heck don't I ever do it? I talk to people all the time. I text everyone constantly. I'm on Facebook for a good seventeen hours a day (okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration), and I am positive that I talk to this damn blog a whole hell of a lot more often than I pray. It's ridiculous. I just think it's all very interesting... praying is so incredibly easy. So why is it that one of the easiest things in the entire world is so hard for me to do?

Alex has mentioned his mission twice in passing the past couple of days. The first was yesterday we were in the car driving all over town looking for frozen yogurt at 1:00 in the morning. He was talking about how he's so stressed lately, how the days seem to rush by in a huge blur, how he hasn't got time for anything, how he needs to this and do that and the other and it's coming time to start filling out his papers to go on a mission...
The next was actually this afternoon when we went to Durango's for lunch. He was talking to the cashier who is a good friend of his, and she said, "So are you coming back to work here after this semester?" and he said, "I don't know. Maybe. It makes me want to go on my mission early so I don't have to work during the summer."

...Okay, okay, okay. Here are my thoughts:

1. I want him to serve a mission. It is a fantastic opportunity that would benefit him and his future family. His testimony would grow a lot and it would set the example in his family, because he would be the first on out of all of them to go.

2. It just sucks though, the timing. The moment I finally find myself feeling completely comfortable around him, he will be gone. Oh well, I guess, at least I can say I got my chance. And I guess I can always write him letters. You never know what the future holds.

3. ... and not saying I'm thinking WAY ahead or anything, but if we were to continue our relationship (or situation, or whatever we are) after his mission, my grandpa will sure approve of him a lot more if he's served a mission. And it'll be alot easier for my kids to decide in favor of serving if their father has.

Man, we'd have cute kids.

Man, I feel like an eighth grader. I didn't think crushes like this happened in college.

I also wanted to clarify that when I sleep over at Alex's place we just sleep... We've only made out three times in the past... month? And of those times we haven't gone past just making out. Just to clarify. He is an extremely good person... yeah, and he would probably be an incredible missionary. The Lord needs him and even though it sucks for me, I'll just have to let him go, if he chooses to, and not say a word about it.

Whatever... well in other news, it's spring break! I might go home, if I can scrounge up the fifty bucks for the shuttle up north, that is. Mom wants me to bring Alex home to meet her. ...well, we'll see.

I also signed up for an audition time for Dixie's got Talent. I guess I'll sing a song. What song should I sing? ... hmm...

I just wanted to also say thank you to the random stranger who posted their thoughts and words of encouragement on one of my previous posts. I really appreciated it. :) It really threw me off to realize that someone else reads my blog besides Ashley, Katy, Brittany, Lacey, Grant and Evie.