Not a lot to report. Alex and I: Still in a "situation." And the funny thing? I just got off of the phone with Whitney. If it isn't weird enough that we're both more or less dating a boy named Alex, we are both also ironically in the same relationship boat- no title, he can't commit for one reason or another, annoyed as hell with it, completely infatuated, and mad that can't lay official claim to him. No, no. We aren't dating the same boy, I promise. It's just hilarious how we are both in the same shitty boat.
I went to go see Macbeth on the Eccles mainstage last night. They did a lovely job. Cole practically kissed me, the coven scene was creepy as hell, Joseph Ahern reminds me of Donald Duck, Kyle just downright plain irritates me and pisses me off, and Alex, well, Alex is just darling. Talented bih. He makes a great creepy ghost as well (see photo). Frank won't speak to me. Grant and I are back on normal terms. Evie has a boyfriend.... wait. what does that have to do with Macbeth again? Anyway. I suppose I'm just a hair jealous. Meh.
(Mine's the one on the table.)
Saigon rehearsals are moving along swimmingly. It's no secret that I suck at learning dances. The choreographer has the patience of a saint, though. Today I was measured for my costume. I learned that my outfit is, indeed, a 70's themed boyshort bikini with suspenders and a 'fro... yes, a 'fro. Just... Grand. But I did find out that we are allowed to wear tights. Praise baby Jesus. Check out the picture, don't laugh too hard.
Anyway... I suppose I'll be in rehearsal for just about the rest of this week. Tomorrow, Thursday and Saturday, then I have that dreaded Bishop's interview on Sunday that I've been putting off and rescheduling for about a month now. No, it's not just any old regular handshake, talk about my progress in the church, ask if I've been on the right path, talk about my testimony interviews. No, I'm used to those. This is a "disciplinary council," where I not only meet with the bishop, but I also meet with the two counselors as well. And I get to tell the three of them my life story and take all of the skeletons out of my closet and divulge all of my deepest, darkest secrets while they frown and shake their heads and look at me with concerned eyes... and then they send me out of the room and decide what to do with me. Talk about intimidating. :( You know, I can't for the life of me remember when I last took the sacrament. Isn't that sad? And to think that I was once such a good and happy person. Well, I'm on my way back. I'm the closest I've been since the Steven fiasco. Hopefully soon I can get back to where I was in August... before Steven, before sex and pregnancy scares and becoming practically inactive and having to rip up my temple recommend and flush the pieces down the toilet while silently sobbing... I want to be that person I was in August. That girl who wore with pride her Young Womanhood medallion that she worked so hard for. The girl who graduated seminary... who carried her temple recommend and actually took the time to sit and read her patriarchal blessing... Gol, where did she go? ...
In Acting II, Lacey and I are working on a scene from "Women of Manhattan" by John Patrick Shanley. The scene starts off with me (Rhonda) asking Lacey (Judy) about her blind date she went on the previous night. It starts off all giddy and girly and slumber party talk happy and gradually moves into Judy's realization that she had had sex with a complete stranger and thereby violated all of her beliefs and standards... My character sits and listens as the anguish sets in and realizes that by listening to Judy, she is in fact looking at her younger self, from a few years ago. My character realizes that she is practically a slut and hates herself for allowing her best friend to go through the same thing she went through... the sad thing is, I really relate to my character's situation. All I have to do is think of myself and my close friend who recently lost her virginity before I start tearing up. I just don't want her having to go through all of the heartache I've been through in my past, but it's inevitable. People will do what they do, and unfortunately, they need to learn things for themselves.
On a brighter note, I'm taking the first steps toward fulfilling my first dream, becoming a Disney Princess. Every little girl wants to grow up to be Jasmine or Ariel or whichever princess they prefer. I wanted to be Sleeping Beauty, and now I get my shot. I've been interviewing with the Disney College Program in Orlando, FL and am planning for a "character audition" on Friday, March 26th in Orem. After that, I will just be sitting tight until April 30th, when I get my final word. If I make the program, then I get to go spend either both the summer and fall semesters or just the fall semester of this year in Florida at the magical Walt Disney World, hugging children, having photos taken with them, and signing autographs... and taking college classes of course. It can't be all fun and games. :)
Anyway. That's that I suppose. I really wish I had a conclusion for this entry... but I still feel like it's hanging for some reason. Maybe because, well, nothing I talked about has a resolution right now. I'm in limbo. But it's not bad I guess... I'm just kinda hanging around waiting for things to work out. If there are three things that I firmly believe about life, it's that:
1. Everyone you meet is put into your life for a reason. Whether it's to teach you something, to break you down or to help you along your way.
2. Everything in life happens for a reason. Life is just one big... learning experience. Your past makes you who you are, and you should be grateful for the way it has shaped you into the person you are today.
And finally,
3. Everything will work out in the end. No matter what. All of life's mysteries will be explained to us, all situations resolved... Everything is going to be okay.
"Fear is the faith that things won't work out." -Anonymous
Lexi,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know who I am, but I have been following your blog for about three months now. Having been through two disciplinary councils myself, both of which resulted in being disfellowshipped, I wish you luck on Sunday. Don't forget that one person is supposed to be on your side. Whatever the outcome is, it will be for your benefit. I hope you never give up trying to be better no matter how many mistakes you make. Just remember to not let your guard down...be ever watchful and prayerful. There are angels watching out for you that want you to succeed, but don't forget the one's that want to see you fail. I thought I had past the point in my life that nothing could take me down. However, I wasn't doing the daily things that I should have been doing (scripture study and prayer...don't underestimate their power) and I fell again. I am 36 years old and married. You would think I would have figured it out by now. One more thing that I would like to say is to never put yourself in a compromising position. I know this one is really hard especially when you are really crazy about the guy, but it's only asking for trouble. Don't stay out late alone with a guy. I read your posts and shake my head wondering if you are really serious about doing the right thing, especially when he is thinking about going on a mission. The devil is working hard on him right now not to mention you as well. I hope I don't sound too preachy, but like you, I hate to see other people make the same mistakes that I have. Again, I wish you the best of luck!